Sunday, June 29, 2014

My 7 Year Adventure in LA: Part 2 - Welcome To Big Brother!

(So this is the part where you pretend you're watching your favorite TV show and they are showing the clips from the previous episode... well it sounded cool to me so just go with it okay?...)


"My 7 Year Adventure in LA: Part 1 - I Have Arrived!"...

Hollister Manager: If things don't work out, you can always be a manager at Abercrombie since you have a degree.
Right after graduation from college, I packed up everything in my car, including my two lizards; with the help of my buddy Caleb we set out on a journey to Southern California.
My first taste of the freelance lifestyle in the entertainment industry.
After that gig ended, I found myself without a job.

 I was searching on Craigslist and came across the post for an open call casting for Big Brother.
I get invited to attend a movie premiere for Omarion and Marques Houston

 I see a guy standing outside of the club with a video camera 

Me: Who do you work for?
Him: TMZ

Me: What's that? 

Phone Call: Congrats, you've made it to the top 20! You should pack your bag and be ready just in case! 


And now... My 7 Year Adventure continues...

So now I have to pack... So many thoughts are going through my head...

This could really happen. Not even a full year out here in LA and I could actually end up on somebody's TV!

I've always wanted to be on a game show but damn! I still have no clue what I'm getting myself into. 

I hope my friend remembers to feed my lizards.

I really hope I don't make a fool of myself.... Whatever.

A few days later... 

(This part of how I actually received my key has been deliberately removed in order to preserve the integrity of how the keys are presented to unsuspecting houseguests... Sorry, I can't give away all the secrets... plus, chances are someone from CBS is reading this and I definitely don't wanna piss those folks off.)


And there it was...

When they gave me my key, they immediately took me away and locked me in a hotel room for a few days with no TV, cell phone, magazines, no nothing... I did get to watch Big Brother 3 and 5 though! I felt like I was in prison with room service.

Yet, I STILL had no idea what I was getting myself into... I had no clue how big this show was... In my mind, I'm like, "Nobody watches CBS"... Boy was I wrong. I didn't know how "dedicated" these fans were to this show... I have never seen such an intense fanbase for a GAME SHOW as I've seen for big brother...

Some of these MF's are CRAZY! I mean, Call your job and get you fired or threaten your family because you voted off my favorite player kind of crazy!

Shit like this never happens to people who were on "The Real World"... 

After numerous interviews during sequester and days without seeing a single person other than producers and handlers, I find myself lining up outside the door of the stage, ready to play the game. 

Shit was hella intense. I saw some familiar faces from finals...

Rewind January 2008 - Casting Finals Day

This is the last chance I have to prove myself worthy of being selected... Sitting in a room full of guys, and nobody is saying a word because we weren't allowed to talk. Across from me sits Matt, Alex, and Joshuah. 

Adam (Baller) is sitting right next to me... 

I'm thinking to myself, "This weird lookin ass mf, seriously?... " But ok, I can't judge this dude... I'm sure he has a story. 

In the next room, the girls were sitting quietly. In there sat Natalie and Amanda... I think Sharon was in there too. 

We had the bowl of snacks in the guys room. In walks Natalie, all smiles and walking by us to grab some snacks. All the guys look as she walks away. Then we all made eye contact and let out a quiet chuckle...

It was soooo awkward. I think the person who I knew I'd be cool with from the jump was Matt. Even though we didn't say one word to each other, we still knew what the deal was. Next thing I know, Adam, reaches in the snack bowl and pulls out a bag of corn nuts and immediately starts crunching down on them.

Mind you, this is room is quiet than a MF.

So in addition to Adam's heavy Darth Vader nose breathing, we can now add crunching to the equation. #FML

After a while of him pretty much having Thanksgiving dinner on these damn corn nuts, I mean, going HARD on them like he was a part of the school Free Lunch Program... I just couldn't sit there anymore without acknowledging how fucking annoying he was being... So I slowly turned my head towards him and just sat and looked at him as if I was 100% interested in his crunching... he stops mid-chew. Everyone laughs. 

There's nooooo way they're picking this weirdo!!! They just can't! This dude is just fucking weird. 

Fast Forward February 2008 - Move-In Day

Standing on the front steps, they finally call my name to enter the house. My heart was beating so fast, as I had no idea about what I was really getting myself into. As soon as I walk in, the game had begun. Cameras and microphones everywhere. This was the real deal. Anything I said or did was now under a microscope. I mean zero privacy. 

For Example (TMI Moment): 

So the first time I... you know... had a "bodily function"... Oh what the hell everyone poops right?... 

So I had my mic on and was like, "I know yall heard that right?"

You get me?... Shit like that... Literally...

The first night was crazy. That's when I found out that I would not be playing this game alone.

This didn't sit well with me at all... I mean, you  walk into a game thinking you're gonna play it one way, and they completely turn that shit upside down on your ass.

Talk about mindfuck central station...


I'm super worried now... Like more worried than Jaden Smith has ever looked...

I was not in complete control of this situation and I had no idea how to handle it. This could go south quick...

Ok... Just stay cool...

The first night's competition was pretty awesome. Winning the first competition was unheard of! I definitely didn't want to win it but when they said we'd split 10K AND kick somebody out without a Veto..... SHEEEEEEEEEIT.... Sign me up!

Jen was only about 110lbs soaking wet. It was super easy to hold on to her. Everyone else seemed to be struggling, sweating and just a mess. I was calm and cool with my hoodie on. I don't even think I broke much of a sweat.

So almost an hour later, we finally convinced Matt and Natalie to drop, and we had all of the power. They gave us 3 days to decide on what we wanted to do. If we didn't come to an agreement, we would have had to leave the game.

I'm chillin in the back yard, looking at everyone and I think to myself, "It's the perfect time to get rid of Ryan and Allison. Dude is bigger than me and could pose a serious threat in physical competitions and Allison is super fit and seems very smart. Logical choice, just gameplay.

I approach Jen with the idea and she then tells me that Ryan is her actual BOYFRIEND and they actually live together in the outside world...

Now I'm pissed. So I know she's not gonna want to vote his ass out now... But she's not playing this game for him, she's playing for me. 

So now we're stuck in a place where we are probably going to just take the easy route and get rid of Adam and Sheila. They seemed like the two odd balls in the house, plus Sheila was NOT happy with having to sleep in the same bed with Adam. She complained once how he was "pleasuring himself" while in the bed next to her one night! Lol! What a fucking weirdo!

Everything was set to go for them until Jacob started talking shit about me to my partner. That's how the whole "Parker is a Snake" thing got started.

I think I was more offended because I didn't do anything to anyone for anyone to make these accusations. So not only did I call him out, I called out the entire house. And of course, nobody is gonna fess up to it... Duh! So being that I couldn't trust Jacob, we decided to get rid of him and Sharon.

I felt so bad because I really liked Sharon but I didn't trust Jacob for shit. But he had to go so she had to go with him. After all that foolishness, we finally spilled the beans to our "alliance" that Ryan and Jen were a couple.... (My dumbass) Should have saved that one til after the HOH competition!

Once Alex and Amanda got control, this was Alex's perfect chance to get rid of me so Amanda couldn't hang out with me anymore. Ugh! He used the whole "This is what the house wants" by putting up both couples... Huge mistake because I honestly had everyone's back who I said I would have. So after we got nominated... I knew it was over.

Being on the block sucks. It's like you have leprosy or something.

I promised myself that I wouldn't be the "ANGRY BLACK MAN" before I entered the house... But here we go...

Given the circumstances, I had a right to be pissed. You would have been furious if your chances were pretty much null and void from the beginning. People can speculate and say they would have done this or that, but you really can't tell me shit until you have personally walked through those doors. But looking back on it, I definitely could have played it much differently. MUCH differently.

For starters, I definitely would have just kept it a solid alliance with Jen and Ryan and kept Allison out of the picture.

I definitely wouldn't have told my "alliance" what was up. Especially Alex's hatin ass (love you bro! lol).

I probably wouldn't have woken up the entire house at 3am, calling everyone out...  The most mind blowing thing was how they let me wake all of their asses up for a house meeting and then I dismiss myself from it. Now, if I were on the receiving end of that...

 I wish a bitch would. But that's just me.

Another thing I would have done was convinced my "alliance" to throw the veto so that Jen and I would win and no blood would be on their hands. Matt was so focused on winning the veto, he really lost sight on keeping us in the game. I tried to tell him!! Without us, they simply didn't have the numbers... Use the veto on us... but nooooo... I even gave one last plea and was like "Dude, they are going to destroy you if you don't save us". Natalie was all for it, but Matt was convinced that it would suggest that we were in an alliance if he did that... Hell, they already knew!

He even wrote me from prison once, telling me that he's pretty sure that his life would have been much different if he would have just used the veto on me and Jen... I'm sure it would have been a completely different game and outcome. Funny how that works... That game is based on "Shoulda Coulda Woulda's". And that's Big Brother.

I think our season had one of the dirtiest verbal fights in big brother history. When Joshuah said what he said about Amanda's dad, taking a jab at his suicide... I knew this game could get very nasty.

That was probably the most uncomfortable moment I had in the house. I do feel that some folks (including myself) do forget that it's just a game and can take things to the extreme. Had that been me, at that point in my life, and he was talking to me like that... he would have definitely caught some kind of beat down after those cameras went off. Thank God it wasn't... and I'm not in that place in my life.

So here comes Day 14: 

By a vote of 3-2, Jen and Parker, you have been evicted from the Big Brother house...

My face was like 

Ain't that a bitch... So now I have to do the walk of shame and go talk to Julie Chen... I really don't feel like talking right now. 

Sitting in that seat after my eviction, on the outside, I'm like...
 But on the inside I'm like...

Talk about being SALTY!! I mean, if you would have licked my arm, you would have exceeded your sodium intake for at least 6 months! 

At least we weren't the first to go. And I still won 5K!

After my eviction, I was bitter. Actually, I was bitter as F*CK! Not gonna lie. I'm only human. This was definitely a learning experience for me. It's a reminder that you don't have to always REACT to situations as soon as you're given them. You can take the time to think about it and process what's really going on. I was so used to wearing my heart on my sleeve and just "Telling it like it is", I failed to look at the bigger picture. I still struggle with situations sometimes but I've definitely gotten a whole lot better over the years. I'm definitely not the same person.

So now we're walking to the greenroom to get "debriefed" and the whole time, Jen is crying and I'm showing no emotion whatsoever. I felt like I just walked into a tornado and left out on somebody's curb somewhere. I was so disoriented. What time is it? All I could think about was going home and getting far away from Jen. At the time, I felt that she was as much to blame for us taking this walk as I was, if not more. 

My shot at 500K... ruined. 

But before I knew it, the producers walk in the room and tell me that I have another shot to possibly return to the house. I felt like: 

The bad news: I had to spend the entire time outside of the house in sequester with Jen! #FML! 

I'm still bitter towards her... how is this gonna work? 

To Be Continued... 

Friday, June 6, 2014

My 7 Year Adventure in LA: Part 1.- I have arrived!

I can't believe it's been 7 years since I packed up everything in my car and made that bold move. I first visited Cali back in 2001 and I was set on coming back. I was sold on the sunshine and palm trees alone. How has LA treated me you ask?... Well let's find out:

June 6th, 2007. The day I arrived in LA. 

Right after graduation from college, I packed up everything in my car, including my two lizards; with the help of my buddy Caleb we set out on a journey to Southern California. We stopped in Vegas right before we got to LA and let's just say that our one night we were supposed to stay, actually turned into two. That's all I'm saying about that! What happens in Vegas...

Back to the subject... Let's start from the beginning:

June 2007

When I first arrived, I couldn't believe I was actually here. I mean damn... I actually did this shit. I was taking it all in. I had an easy transition with a frat brother, whom I'd never met before but just because we shared the same letters, I had a place to stay immediately. I knew pledging would have it's benefits. He put me in touch with someone that hooked me up with a One month job set up as a Post Production Assistant with one of those clip shows: World's Most Dangerous Police Chases / Shocking Video shows... My first taste of the freelance lifestyle in the entertainment industry.  It was a cool show, but pretty much I was a glorified tape librarian. But hey, I'll take it. I actually got to watch some pretty cool footage.

After that gig ended, I found myself without a job, but wait...

Rewind to Early 2007 while working at Hollister in college: 

Hollister Manager: If things don't work out, you can always be a manager at Abercrombie since you have a degree.

Me thinking to myself: I am NOT going out to LA to work at freaking Abercrombie & Fitch... I didn't just spend 3 years getting this damn degree for that, the hell I look like?...Pfft... 

Fast Forward July 2007:

You know my ass was filling out that application! LOL! Sheeeeit... One thing I've definitely learned is that you can never let your pride take control of your pockets! Even though I hated working there, having to endure that smell, and that F***ING MUSIC!!! Working there 10 hours straight and listening to that shit was not acceptable and I had to do better...

The shittiest part about that gig was having to tell people who didn't fit their "look" that "I'll call you if something becomes available"... but we both knew that time would never come. I still had bills to pay... at the same time I knew I had to get out of my current job situation. 

August 2007

In the meantime I was relentless on job sites, searching for another solution. I hustled my ass off in college, so finding more opportunities was 2nd nature to me. I was searching on Craigslist and came across the post for an open call casting for Big Brother. I didn't know anything about the show... All I knew is that people who went on that show probably were too old for "The Real World", I was 26. So I think to myself: 

Try to win a half-million... Meet some people... Why the hell not?

So I went to the open call and told them a dirty joke. There were a lot of people there and I was just going mostly for the experience. I had a great conversation with the people in front of me and behind me. One guy even said, "You're so gonna get on the show"... I said, "With all these people out here, why would they choose me?" Then I thought:

Why NOT me?...

I didn't care either way. I still didn't know anything about the show. 

Still working at Abercrombie... Still miserable... but at least I have a job. 

December 2007

I get invited to attend a movie premier for Omarion and Marques Houston

Words cannot describe how shitty that movie was... But it was definitely a blessing in disguise. 

The after party was pretty good. I'm having a good time, but it's hotter than a mofo in there so I walk outside. I see a guy standing outside of the club with a video camera and I literally run up to him all thirsty like:

Me: Who do you work for?
Him: TMZ

Me: What's that? 

So I get a trial run with a camera and I do horrible the first night. I was still new and the whole celebrity thing intimidated me. The first celeb I ever shot was Wilmer Valderama. Who would have thought. After being given another shot, I realized that these celebs are people just like you and I. They just have more notoriety. But I'm awesome because my mamma said so, so I took that camera and ran with it.

The 2nd night, I killed it. I got great footage. Got a girl fight, and even got Suge Knight on film til he told me... not asked me, but told me to turn off the camera. And you best believe I turned that mf'er off quick, fast and a hurry!

I had another interview with Big Brother. This time it was like a 45 minute grill fest... These mf's were the real deal. Asking me all kinds of questions... I answered every one of them and turned on that charm. I still had no clue on if they were feeling me or what the deal was. TMZ had finally offered me a freelance position.

November/December 2007

I was finally working for TMZ full time and I was still advancing with this whole Big Brother thing. This time, a phone interview and then I had to go to finals to answer even MORE questions and take this stupid million question psych test where they ask you the same fucking question 10 times but differently every time to make sure you aren't crazy.

We all know that people who end up on these shows have a little bit of "crazy" in them anyway. 

In the meantime, I was having a blast chasing celebs, talking shit with Pauly Shore, Wesley Snipes, and many others.... People were calling me and texting me like, "I hear you on TMZ!" It was pretty awesome. Not to mention the pay was spectacular!

January 2008

Phone Call: Congrats, you've made it to the top 20! You should pack your bag and be ready just in case! 

To be continued.